HI all,
A friend told me this story. A lady who had been married for about 11 years left her hubby cuz he isn't good in bed. We were about 3 ladies there when this gist was said. We all had different opinions. I felt it was obnoxious for the woman to leave after 11 years of marriage cuz the man isn't good in bed. I mean, she had put up with this for 11 years why the sudden change of heart? My friend was all for the woman's action. She insisted that there could have been more going on in the marriage. Probably the man wasn't treating her well and the sex wasn't good so she felt the marriage wasn't worth it.
I started to look at it in a different light, if the man wasn't good to her and had the sex problem then she could have a reason to leave but the truth is the reason she cited for leaving was the sex thingy! It made me wonder; isn't marriage for better for worse? How bad could this man be in bed for? Anyway people are different but for me her reason is superficial. My friend accused me of judging that it is easy for me to defend marriage cuz my hubby is probably a stud but i made her realise that i have learnt in marriage that you can't have it all. You can however make the best use of what you have.
I have not come across any woman who can beat her chest and say 'my hubby has it all'. We just have to celebrate the good in them and try to overlook and tolerate what we think is bad. We are not perfect ourselves that is why marriage is all about compromise. If all couples were to enumerate all the bad in their spouses and dwell on it, there would be no happily ever after.
If i have a minute with that lady, i would tell her to re-examine her man and see if the good out weighs the bad. If it does, then the marriage is worth fighting for. If she is so good in bed then she should teach him. That will be a good start.
Anyway let me know what you think.
Cheers.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
1 CORINTHIANS13, VERSES 4-7
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres".
Paul gave an eloquent description of love in this verse. I am so grateful for this verse in the bible because it reiterated God's purpose for marriage to me. I was at a very low point this weekend. I had verbal a fight with my hubby and lots of ugly words were said. I was so cross that i went into the malice mode. I decided to stay away and just reevaluate everything in my head.
I am sure most married couples have had those days when they wished they were not married or just wanted to get out and run away as far as they can get. That was how i felt this weekend. A lot of thoughts went through my head - both good and bad. I was just so mad. I was so angry with the way things were that i just didn't give myself time to reason.
I have learnt from experience that when you allow it, the devil comes into your life to destroy. My hubby and i allowed the devil into our marriage that day because we were both out of control with words. I thank God for his words because even when i was at my lowest i remembered 1 Corinthians 13,4-7. I asked my self if i loved my hubby the way Paul described it and i realised i did but had not demonstrated it in my actions.
I decided to put that verse into action and by so, abide by the word of God. So i shoved Anger aside, swallowed my Pride, imbibed Patience, and decided to Protect my family from the devil. I called my hubby and we talked and worked things out. It felt so exhilarating especially when i had the weapon of the words of God working with and for me. We both acknowledged our faults, apologized for the words used and of course had make up ---( keep guessing).
I know there are days when we all feel so overwhelmed by life's challenges and we just take it out on our partners. There are also times we have questioned why we got married but know that marriage is a good thing and it is meant to be blissful if we just put aside our pride and imbibe what God says pertaining love.
Cheers
Paul gave an eloquent description of love in this verse. I am so grateful for this verse in the bible because it reiterated God's purpose for marriage to me. I was at a very low point this weekend. I had verbal a fight with my hubby and lots of ugly words were said. I was so cross that i went into the malice mode. I decided to stay away and just reevaluate everything in my head.
I am sure most married couples have had those days when they wished they were not married or just wanted to get out and run away as far as they can get. That was how i felt this weekend. A lot of thoughts went through my head - both good and bad. I was just so mad. I was so angry with the way things were that i just didn't give myself time to reason.
I have learnt from experience that when you allow it, the devil comes into your life to destroy. My hubby and i allowed the devil into our marriage that day because we were both out of control with words. I thank God for his words because even when i was at my lowest i remembered 1 Corinthians 13,4-7. I asked my self if i loved my hubby the way Paul described it and i realised i did but had not demonstrated it in my actions.
I decided to put that verse into action and by so, abide by the word of God. So i shoved Anger aside, swallowed my Pride, imbibed Patience, and decided to Protect my family from the devil. I called my hubby and we talked and worked things out. It felt so exhilarating especially when i had the weapon of the words of God working with and for me. We both acknowledged our faults, apologized for the words used and of course had make up ---( keep guessing).
I know there are days when we all feel so overwhelmed by life's challenges and we just take it out on our partners. There are also times we have questioned why we got married but know that marriage is a good thing and it is meant to be blissful if we just put aside our pride and imbibe what God says pertaining love.
Cheers
Thursday, February 21, 2008
"OYO" (ON YOUR OWN)
Hi all,
Living abroad brings a new meaning to the the phrase "on your own". I have been so nostalgic for the past couple of days. I long to go home and get some help i need with the kids. Now i know how priceless it is to have my family around me. I am a now a true believer in -"it takes a village to raise a child".
You can imagine, i was down with a fever, my hubby too was ill and my three kids all had the bug but i still had to brace myself to take care of everyone and do all the chores in the house. I thank God that i even have an understanding man who helped out too. If i was back in Nigeria my mum, mum-in-law and my sisters would have at least offered to help with the kids or house chores. My hobby and i were totally on our own. We called on a couple of friends but no one came coz they were all busy working thier asses off to pay bills or send money home.
Most of us came here for greener pastures but sometimes you have to wonder how green these pastures really are. Most of us are just languishing in debt. Yes we buy houses, cars etc but are they really assets? Well nooooo! As long as we are paying mortages, these houses are more or less liabilities. Sometimes i question my self. At what expense did i leave the luxury of having my family and true friends around me? The only conclusion i come to is to give my children better opportunities in life. Well i guess that is the greatest sacrifice of all.
I really miss home and i am so so home sick right now. I need my mummy too. I miss her so much.
Cheers
Living abroad brings a new meaning to the the phrase "on your own". I have been so nostalgic for the past couple of days. I long to go home and get some help i need with the kids. Now i know how priceless it is to have my family around me. I am a now a true believer in -"it takes a village to raise a child".
You can imagine, i was down with a fever, my hubby too was ill and my three kids all had the bug but i still had to brace myself to take care of everyone and do all the chores in the house. I thank God that i even have an understanding man who helped out too. If i was back in Nigeria my mum, mum-in-law and my sisters would have at least offered to help with the kids or house chores. My hobby and i were totally on our own. We called on a couple of friends but no one came coz they were all busy working thier asses off to pay bills or send money home.
Most of us came here for greener pastures but sometimes you have to wonder how green these pastures really are. Most of us are just languishing in debt. Yes we buy houses, cars etc but are they really assets? Well nooooo! As long as we are paying mortages, these houses are more or less liabilities. Sometimes i question my self. At what expense did i leave the luxury of having my family and true friends around me? The only conclusion i come to is to give my children better opportunities in life. Well i guess that is the greatest sacrifice of all.
I really miss home and i am so so home sick right now. I need my mummy too. I miss her so much.
Cheers
Monday, February 18, 2008
OPINION POLL
Hi all,
I feel better. I just had a bowl of pepper soup. Men it was hot!. My kids are better too and are well tucked in already.
Anyway, i want your opinions on an issue that is daunting to me. Like i said before i am a stay at home mum. I was very content with this arrangement initially but after 3 kids and 4 years of staying at home and being a TV Guru, i have really grown weary. Infact that is one of the reasons i started this blog. I just needed to exercise my brain and get gratification that it isn't dead. I crave to have a career and sometimes envy women who joggle it all. I for one opted to stay at home coz the cost of child care is ridiculously exorbitant. We would have to pay off anything i earned if i worked, to child care.
There are different opinions when it comes to this issue. Some say it is priceless for a mother to raise her kids, some say women who stay at home are weak, that they could do it both and others believe a nanny will be just fine; that career comes first. In my opinion i don't think it is fair to pass judgement on any of these opinions. I am a stay at home mum and i find delight in raising my kids but a part of me yearns to build a career. I want more out of my life. I want to feel that sense of self worth and independence. Likewise, i am sure most career mums miss out on raising thier kids.
I just want to know how you feel about this topic. How do you get a balance in your life? Be you a stay at home mum or a career woman/mum.
Cheers.
I feel better. I just had a bowl of pepper soup. Men it was hot!. My kids are better too and are well tucked in already.
Anyway, i want your opinions on an issue that is daunting to me. Like i said before i am a stay at home mum. I was very content with this arrangement initially but after 3 kids and 4 years of staying at home and being a TV Guru, i have really grown weary. Infact that is one of the reasons i started this blog. I just needed to exercise my brain and get gratification that it isn't dead. I crave to have a career and sometimes envy women who joggle it all. I for one opted to stay at home coz the cost of child care is ridiculously exorbitant. We would have to pay off anything i earned if i worked, to child care.
There are different opinions when it comes to this issue. Some say it is priceless for a mother to raise her kids, some say women who stay at home are weak, that they could do it both and others believe a nanny will be just fine; that career comes first. In my opinion i don't think it is fair to pass judgement on any of these opinions. I am a stay at home mum and i find delight in raising my kids but a part of me yearns to build a career. I want more out of my life. I want to feel that sense of self worth and independence. Likewise, i am sure most career mums miss out on raising thier kids.
I just want to know how you feel about this topic. How do you get a balance in your life? Be you a stay at home mum or a career woman/mum.
Cheers.
EASY DAY
Hi all,
Hope you had a nice and restful weekend. Mine was awful and eventful. I have a cold and my kids have this terrible bug going around. They have been stooling for the past 3 days and it's really been bad. My eldest has it worse. It's really bad.
Its family day today so everyone is home. My hubby and i have tagged it "easy day". We are just taking it easy. We are letting are hair down and relaxing. Normally we clean up after the kids, putting thier toys in place every time they play and making everywhere so impeccable. Today, we are unwinding and we are giving our kids carte blanche to do what ever they want-under our watchful eyes of course. Cleaning can wait for once!
Have a wonderful week ahead.
Cheers
Hope you had a nice and restful weekend. Mine was awful and eventful. I have a cold and my kids have this terrible bug going around. They have been stooling for the past 3 days and it's really been bad. My eldest has it worse. It's really bad.
Its family day today so everyone is home. My hubby and i have tagged it "easy day". We are just taking it easy. We are letting are hair down and relaxing. Normally we clean up after the kids, putting thier toys in place every time they play and making everywhere so impeccable. Today, we are unwinding and we are giving our kids carte blanche to do what ever they want-under our watchful eyes of course. Cleaning can wait for once!
Have a wonderful week ahead.
Cheers
Friday, February 15, 2008
SEXY RED TOP, NO SEX, MY BEST VALENTINE EVER!
Hi all,
Happy Valentines day. I hope y'all had fun. As for me my day didn't go as planned but i still had the best Valentine ever.
CHAPTER ONE: SEXY RED TOP
I didn't get a real sitter and the only person i relied on had to work. I was really crushed that my plans were thwarted but i just had to move on to plan B. I decided to have a romantic in-house dinner...with candles,music and all the works. My hubby and his colleagues had to travel out of town on Valentines morning for work related issues. He was scheduled to be home by 6pm. I was glad coz it gave me enough time to set up the house and cook dinner.
Amid all the chaos with the kids, i was able to pull off dinner by 4pm. I had a quick shower by 5pm and got dressed in a really sexy red top. I had been saving this top for a special day and felt good about it. Anyway by 6pm my hubby wasn't home. I called and he promised to be home in 30 minutes. Ok , that would give me some time to put the kids to bed and put some finishing touches to dinner. By the time the kids finished thier dinner and were ready to go to bed, i was enervated; needless to say my baby refused to sleep and puked all over my top. I was so exasperated by my hubby's delay and my kids' whining that i just switched to "pissed off mode".
My hubby finally got home...by then i was still very pissed. He waltzed in apologizing but i was beyond the euphoria of Valentine. I gave him monosyllablic answers and we barely talked. I camouflaged my emotions by pretending to watch and enjoy Lost(Tv show).
CHAPTER TWO: NO SEX
Thirty minutes later i switched mode. I became more relaxed. It was apparent that there would be no sex or any romantic dinner. My hubby was tired and i was still busy with the baby. He helped himself to dinner. I put the baby to bed and we just watched the Apprentice(Tv show) which by the way was so interesting last night. The show got us talking and we ended up snuggling up to eachother and taking some pictures.(at least the top wasn't wasted). My hubby acknowlegded how sexy i looked but we decided without spoken words not to get intimate coz it would just be the the same old.
CHAPTER THREE: MY BEST VALENTINE EVER
As i layed down in bed that night feeling a little disappointed, i played the day's events in my head and realised my Valentines day started out magically. When i woke up in the morning, i remember telling my son happy Valentines day and he looked at me with great love and adoration and said " i love you mummy...kiss kiss". At that point it hit me that this was my best Valentine ever. What love is greater than a child's? For the first time my own son told me he loves me on Valentines day in the purest and most truthful way. What more could i ask for? There will always be sex but some moments are priceless and rare... and this was such.
Cheers
Happy Valentines day. I hope y'all had fun. As for me my day didn't go as planned but i still had the best Valentine ever.
CHAPTER ONE: SEXY RED TOP
I didn't get a real sitter and the only person i relied on had to work. I was really crushed that my plans were thwarted but i just had to move on to plan B. I decided to have a romantic in-house dinner...with candles,music and all the works. My hubby and his colleagues had to travel out of town on Valentines morning for work related issues. He was scheduled to be home by 6pm. I was glad coz it gave me enough time to set up the house and cook dinner.
Amid all the chaos with the kids, i was able to pull off dinner by 4pm. I had a quick shower by 5pm and got dressed in a really sexy red top. I had been saving this top for a special day and felt good about it. Anyway by 6pm my hubby wasn't home. I called and he promised to be home in 30 minutes. Ok , that would give me some time to put the kids to bed and put some finishing touches to dinner. By the time the kids finished thier dinner and were ready to go to bed, i was enervated; needless to say my baby refused to sleep and puked all over my top. I was so exasperated by my hubby's delay and my kids' whining that i just switched to "pissed off mode".
My hubby finally got home...by then i was still very pissed. He waltzed in apologizing but i was beyond the euphoria of Valentine. I gave him monosyllablic answers and we barely talked. I camouflaged my emotions by pretending to watch and enjoy Lost(Tv show).
CHAPTER TWO: NO SEX
Thirty minutes later i switched mode. I became more relaxed. It was apparent that there would be no sex or any romantic dinner. My hubby was tired and i was still busy with the baby. He helped himself to dinner. I put the baby to bed and we just watched the Apprentice(Tv show) which by the way was so interesting last night. The show got us talking and we ended up snuggling up to eachother and taking some pictures.(at least the top wasn't wasted). My hubby acknowlegded how sexy i looked but we decided without spoken words not to get intimate coz it would just be the the same old.
CHAPTER THREE: MY BEST VALENTINE EVER
As i layed down in bed that night feeling a little disappointed, i played the day's events in my head and realised my Valentines day started out magically. When i woke up in the morning, i remember telling my son happy Valentines day and he looked at me with great love and adoration and said " i love you mummy...kiss kiss". At that point it hit me that this was my best Valentine ever. What love is greater than a child's? For the first time my own son told me he loves me on Valentines day in the purest and most truthful way. What more could i ask for? There will always be sex but some moments are priceless and rare... and this was such.
Cheers
Monday, February 11, 2008
ATTENTION!! ATTENTION!
Hi all
How have you all been and what plans have you made for Valentines day? As for me, i haven't found a sitter but i'm still searching for one desperately. I really need at least two hours to be alone with my hubby after 3 years of pro-creating.
I remember vividly how i complained about my hubby constantly being around me when were courting. He made sure he saw me everyday come rain or shine. In fact he was so consistent in this daily ritual that i became so bored and jaded. I needed my space like crazy. I tried to let him know nonverbally how i felt but he either chose to ignore me or just didn't get it. My friends envied me and my mum was glad that i had a man who cherished me so much. I just wanted a day alone to at least miss him.
In retrospect, i should have relished every second of attention he gave me. I should have embraced the attention instead of pushing it away. What i would give to have that luxury again. Now i am the one giving all the attention; to my three kids and my bigger baby(hubby). Yes o! My hubby is my no 1 baby. In marriage men are just like babies. They want to be nutured and showered with attention. They pout, sulk and brood over little things. They need thier wives for everything.
Anyway, that is our biggest contention now. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes with giving and giving. I also want to be pampered and cuddled like a baby. My hubby's response to this is that there is no time for me to even get the attention i need from him coz i am always busy with the kids. He is so right about that coz there is no time for "us" anymore. In fairness to him, he tries but it just doesn't fit in most times. I know that most times he feels neglected too because right now its all about the kids but this is our reality. We try to make time for "us" but most times we are so beat by the end of the day that we just want to sleep.
I really think it's important to have some quality time each day as a couple to hold and to talk. I really crave that time and i know my hubby does too. We seldom get enough "us" time but when we do, we make the best of it. Isn't it ironic that once upon a time i wanted less attention and now i can't get enough? Well i guess there is time for everything. A time to be young and naive and a time to be wise, to make the best use of the time you have with your loved ones.
Cheers
How have you all been and what plans have you made for Valentines day? As for me, i haven't found a sitter but i'm still searching for one desperately. I really need at least two hours to be alone with my hubby after 3 years of pro-creating.
I remember vividly how i complained about my hubby constantly being around me when were courting. He made sure he saw me everyday come rain or shine. In fact he was so consistent in this daily ritual that i became so bored and jaded. I needed my space like crazy. I tried to let him know nonverbally how i felt but he either chose to ignore me or just didn't get it. My friends envied me and my mum was glad that i had a man who cherished me so much. I just wanted a day alone to at least miss him.
In retrospect, i should have relished every second of attention he gave me. I should have embraced the attention instead of pushing it away. What i would give to have that luxury again. Now i am the one giving all the attention; to my three kids and my bigger baby(hubby). Yes o! My hubby is my no 1 baby. In marriage men are just like babies. They want to be nutured and showered with attention. They pout, sulk and brood over little things. They need thier wives for everything.
Anyway, that is our biggest contention now. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes with giving and giving. I also want to be pampered and cuddled like a baby. My hubby's response to this is that there is no time for me to even get the attention i need from him coz i am always busy with the kids. He is so right about that coz there is no time for "us" anymore. In fairness to him, he tries but it just doesn't fit in most times. I know that most times he feels neglected too because right now its all about the kids but this is our reality. We try to make time for "us" but most times we are so beat by the end of the day that we just want to sleep.
I really think it's important to have some quality time each day as a couple to hold and to talk. I really crave that time and i know my hubby does too. We seldom get enough "us" time but when we do, we make the best of it. Isn't it ironic that once upon a time i wanted less attention and now i can't get enough? Well i guess there is time for everything. A time to be young and naive and a time to be wise, to make the best use of the time you have with your loved ones.
Cheers
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