30 SOMETHING

Hey all,

So i recently turned 30; last week actually. I was very grateful to God for another year and i also thanked him for my family. Hitting the 30s is a big one in any woman's life. There is no more excuse for frivolous conduct. The 20s are for discovering who we are and making all the mistakes we can but the 30s, no.

Hitting the third going on fourth decade of my life was very scary for me. I guess i am putting too much strain on myself to excel career wise in my 30s. My 20s proved very fruitful with the birth of my three kids and i feel so blessed. Many of my peers haven't even started their families and i am happy to have closed the child bearing chapter in my 20s.

Now the question on my mind is what next? I have fulfilled my dream of being a mother but i haven't fulfilled my career dreams. I have always looked upon myself as a strong, willful and proactive person. A go getter so to speak but now i feel so drained and jaded. My role as a mother seems to have consumed a greater part of who i am and i find myself apprehensive about a career. I have so many great ideas, i am assertive but still i feel so scared that my 30s will slip away without realising my career goals.

My kids are 3,2 and 9 months old. Day care is too exorbitant for my family right now so i have to be home with my kids. My son starts full time school in about 3 yrs by then I'll be 33. That is almost half of my 30s. As a woman i feel so cheated that i have to sacrifice so much of my life. It is rewarding to be a mum and all that but sometimes i get the unquenchable urge to shine in my other abilities. This always leaves me despondent because i usually can't

I studied mass communication and when i was in school i took on leadership roles. I was always a project leader and i savored those moments. I never thought i could stay home for almost five years without exerting my inherent talents or abilities.

I really hope to use my thirties wisely and i pray that i find the fulfilment i need. There are people who started their careers at a later time and excelled pretty fast. Maybe i am one of those people. I just want to take off before i am forty because if there is one thing i know, time goes by so fast. This is the year 2008 and women have morphed over the years. We are no longer just home makers waiting on our husbands to bring home the bacon. I guess this is what fuels my desire to excel, to prove my self worth and exude the confidence that comes with being independent.

Cheers

REBBECCA WHERE ART THOU?

Hey all,

Hope your week has been swell. As for me to say i am beat is an understatement. The challenges of raising three kids under 3 is taking its toll on me. After a restless night of waking up at least twice to feed my baby, my morning starts with my eldest son knocking on my door coz he has to use the bathroom. This is usually between 6-7am and inadvertently wakes up the others and then the chaos begins.

I proceed to give the three of them baths amidst stopping fights and soothing my baby. Dressing them up isn't a breeze either. There are struggles, cries and fights. After laying their beds and making up the bedrooms we proceed upstairs for breakfast which is another ordeal especially coz of my daughter. She barely likes anything for breakfast so i practically have to stand over her and force the food down her throat. I do this most times with my baby on my back of course.

After breakfast comes the task of keeping them occupied so they don't drive me nuts. My son has learnt to play games on the computer so that keeps him busy for some minutes before my daughter goes and switches it off. Needless to say fighting and screaming ensues. My son has an educational toy that helps him with spelling and writing and he loves it so much but his sister won't let him have peace with that either.

In resent times they have both grown an insatiable appetite for mash mellow and pop corn so I indulge them and that gets them calm for a while until the sugar kicks in and their energy surges out of control. I try to calm them down by singing with them or colouring but that only lasts for some minutes. They have some TV shows they like so i put that on for them but that doesn't last for long either. Did i mention that amidst all these I clean the house feed the baby etc.

Most times I feel so overwhelmed and alone so I call my friend but the chats don't go well coz my kids won't let me have them. My friend once said she isn't in my house but she has a migraine from all the chaos.

Nap time is usually between 1 and 3. I literally count every second till that time. It's not like I get any rest when they go to bed coz my baby could be up or there could be chores to do. When nap time is over it's the chaos all over again!

If I were in Nigeria, I know I would have had a maid to help me out with cleaning and stuff. It is so hard to catch up with everything alone. I am so tired most times. My back aches, my head aches but i still have to be strong to take care of my kids and perform my wifely duties when my hubby desires.

Anyway, as therapy, I have an imaginary maid I call Rebbecca. I find myself calling out to her sometimes but she doesn't come(lol). I know soon all these will be over. The kids will be more independent and I 'll have a career and all that but for now, I need Rebbecca!

At the end of the day when I peep in to see if they are asleep and well tucked in, they look so peaceful that it's hard to believe my body aches so much from taking care of them. At that time it seems worth it.

Cheers

READY FOR SUMMER

Hey all,

Long time no blog(lol). The weather is so great here; i am really blithe. Winter can be very depressing. My kids and i can now go out without all the excess clothing. We just wear our colourful clothes and look fabulous.

Talking about looking fabulous, anytime i want to go to the store or just run an errand my hubby always wonders why i get all dressed up. I believe that i should always look good even if i am going down the road. I don't have to look like a slob coz i am a stay at home mum. I make sure i look fabulous when ever i am stepping out coz you never know who you'll run into and when i look good, i feel good and that sets my mood for the day.


Most stay at home mums like myself just give up on themselves. Its not easy i know. I found myself in a rut too sometime ago. I felt completely jaded. I just didn't see the need to try. I live in a small town with little or no social activity and i didn't really go out much so i just didn't see the need to be a fashionista. I had a change of heart when i saw a picture my hubby and i took together. I looked older than him even though he is 5yrs older than me. It hit me that we were becoming my parents. My dad is 9 yrs older than my mum but they look the same age. Child bearing and rearing can really take its toll on a woman. Its so unfair that women have to age faster than men. Anyway I immediately made a conscious decision to change my attitude.

Now i take a shower in the mornings instead of staying in my pyjamas all day. I make sure i always look well put together even when i am just home. I basically changed my attitude in and out and i feel much more confident and happy. In recent pictures i look like the baby my hubby cradle snatched ten years ago(lol). I secretly can't wait for my hubby to be bald so people will ask if he is my father(he'll kill me when he sees this).

I am ready for summer with a new disposition and i can't wait to have all the fun with my family.

Cheers.

DOWN 12 POUNDS

Hey all,

I feel so great today. I just got off the scale and i have lost 12 pounds so far. As mentioned in an earlier post, i was struggling to lose 25 pounds. I exercised religiously and tried to eat right but to no avail. Anyway after watching the first woman win the biggest loser(TV show) i decided i could do it too.

I decided to make some changes in my diet and life style in general. With inspiration from the show, i started to eat only low fat, low carb and low sugar foods. I drastically reduced my rice consumption and adhered to eating whole grain bread, chicken, fish and lots of veggies. I also stopped buying soda including diet ones. I discovered the hidden sweetness of water which is about the only drink i take now.

Just two weeks into this change, i lost 10 pounds. I was blown away and my hubby was like a teenager in love for the first time. It felt so good. My goal weight is 145 pounds and i am so close now.

These are some of the meals i eat now.

Breakfast : 2 slices of dry toast(whole grain) with 1 cup of orange juice

Snack : Few pieces of crackers or fruits

Lunch : Chicken and salad (sometimes with 2-3 tbs of rice)

Snack : Fruit or veggies

Dinner: Fish with veggies like squash, carrots, green beans etc.

It is hard but the result is worth it. A rule of thumb for me is if i don't want to eat it, i don't buy it. I stopped buying soda, chocolate and all the high calories junk in my house so i don't get tempted.

I hope this will inspire anyone battling with weight loss.

Cheers

SEXUAL HEALING

Hey all,

Long time no blog. My hubby and i have been under the weather. It has been very bad. It started with a throat and ear infection, we were not really alarmed coz we thought it would just pass. It quickly escalated to a very bad cough so we had to go see the doctor. We were both put on antibiotics. We were so helpless coz the infection came with a fever but couldn't take a well deserved break coz we have 3 little kids to care for.

We knew without words spoken that we had to booster each other and take turns in caring for the kids. The hardest part for me was getting up in the morning after a restless night of coughing to tend to three well rested and energetic kids.

Anyway as at yesterday we started feeling better. The pain was less and we had gained back some energy. After my hubby had a shower in the morning, i too quickly jumped into the shower coz my kids were watching their favorite show. When i got out my hubby was still dressing up; he saw me and said "wow u still look so sexy after 3 kids". It was good to hear that from him. I knew what was next and i embraced it after days of being sick. We both needed that coz we felt better all day. I guess Marvin Gaye was right. Sexual healing beats any antibiotic.

Cheers

I AM A "WORRIER" MUM

Hi all,

I have been so busy with life that i have not blogged in a while. I had a break this weekend though. My family and i went out of town for the weekend. Our friends invited us over for a program in their Church (African praise) and it was awesome. It brought back happy thoughts about Naija. I really miss home. The main artist featured at the event was Wale Adenuga. He is a gospel singer and he is incredible. We danced so hard are feet ached. I really needed that break.

On Sunday we went to our host's church. After the service there was a birthday party for a little girl. We all had to be in a hall that was crowed with toddlers running around. I am what you could call a "worrier" when it comes to the safety of my kids. I believe when it comes to kids, one can't be too careful. I was fretting all through the party making sure my kids don't collide with other kids or fall and smash their heads on the concrete floor. I guess my behaviour seemed somewhat obnoxious to my friend coz she told me to relax that i worry too much after all she too had a son running around.

Anyway, i tried to ignore but when i remembered the nine months of pregnancy and the arduousness of labour i immediately switch back to worry mode. I had to explain to my friend that i watch lots of crime shows so i know how fast a child can go missing. It takes less than 2 minutes actually. The world is full of perverse people that would do heinous things to little children so i would rather be an over protective mum than be sorry.

I pray that as parents we don't experience the pain of losing a child due avoidable mistakes. I am not a perfect mum but what i know for sure is as a parent, i can't be too careful. May God help us.

Cheers

A NEW EARTH

Hi all,

Hope you all have been well. I have been nursing my boy back to good health and i am so happy he is OK now.

I am sure all you Oprah fans have heard about her current book club selection - A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I finally got a copy 2 weeks ago and believe me when i say it's been life changing. I am barely in the 3rd chapter(coz i am taking my time to get the message) and already i am captivated by the essence of this book.

Just a few chapters into this book has completely transformed the way i perceive myself and my purpose on this earth. This book exposes the intricate nature of the ego and its control over our being. I now acknowledge that most of us inadvertently live an ostentatious life. We are so consumed about how the world perceives us. We obsess so much about our weight, skin, hair, houses,cars,careers, e.t.c. that we forget the true purpose of our lives. We pay too much attention to our flesh.

I have never considered myself as ostentatious but reading this book has made me realise that i am. I have pondered on some major and even trivial decisions i have made and realised that most of them were made to impress other people. Some of these decisions were also made based on how the world would perceive me. This was a pivotal realisation for me coz i now know that i have basically done nothing for me. I have really not fulfilled my own desires or purpose but those of others.

I have not finished reading A new Earth but what i know for sure is henceforth, i would think of my well being - spiritually,emotionally and mentally in what ever decision i make. I matter and my ego aside, i will do what is right for me.

I recommend this book for all. Right now, my priorities are in order. I know what is important and i have made up my mind never to lie to myself, worry about things i can't change, and accept and manage the vicissitude of life.

Cheers

FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCT

Hi all,

I am so unhappy today. I mentioned earlier that my hubby and son are away for a wedding. It turns out that my son is ill right now. He has an infection in his throat and has loss of appetite. I feel so helpless coz i am not there to hold and comfort him. I never really felt comfortable about my son being away from me for so long but i just decided to let go.

Men don't understand that children(especially at a very young age) need their mothers. I am so crestfallen and mad at myself for not following my motherly instinct and insisting that they come home earlier.

Our instinct is God given and i think it should guide us in making good decisions. I usually am one to succumb to it but i don't know why i slacked this time. I just can't wait to see my baby.

We learn everyday and what i have taken from this experience is to follow my instinct and always look out for my children first before satisfying any other desire.

Cheers.

"TERRIBLE TWOS"

Hi all,

My hubby and son have been out of town for a wedding and i have been miserable. I call them every other hour to check up on my son. I really miss him. I thought i would have some peace at home since one of my kids is not home but this has apparently made my daughter more restless. She has no one to fight or play with so she is just all over the place and making me so miserable.

She is 2 and that age is tagged "terrible 2s". I think the word terrible is an understatement coz my daughter is beyond that. I have never come across a child with so much energy. She doesn't walk she runs. She is a climber, a cry baby, a little bully, you name it. The girl is just too animated. Sometimes its so cute to see her all about but it can be overbearing.

Experts have described this stage as one of the most difficult and i agree. I try to indulge her in games, books, etc but her attention span is like 30 secs. The only thing that will keep her seated for 15minutes is her favourite show Dora the explorer. I have tons of episodes recorded for her but i feel so guilty that she is watching so much TV.

My baby girl is so so cute but when she starts throwing her numerous tantrums i barely see the cuteness. I can't wait for her to out grow this stage. It is so hard to keep up with her. Meal times are the most arduous for me. She barely eats so i practically have to force her. The only thing she likes ironically is pounded yam but i can't give her that all the time.

On a positive note, potty training her has been a breeze. She has been so good at that. In fact i am in awe of her cooperation. I really thought it would he difficult but she has been so good. Hopefully shge'll soon out grow this stage so we can do more fun stuff together.

Cheers

APRIL FOOL GAGS

Hi all

How was your April fool's day? I had lots of laughs coz i really fooled people.

I started with my hubby. He had been away on a job and to return April 1st. He called me around 8.30 am that he was almost in town. As i picked the phone, i feigned pain and he immediately perceived there was something wrong. I told him i had fallen down the stairs and sprained my ankle that a church member had to take me to the clinic where i got a cast on. He was so upset and was just fretting. I told him i couldn't reach him when it happened. It was so hilarious to hear him so frantic. Anyway i finally gave up and called him April fool. He didn't laugh but i had a good one.

I later called my brother in-law in Texas. He is my buddy and i always confide in him. Anyway i told him i had something to tell him that i hadn't even told my hubby. He immediately screamed and asked if i was pregnant again. I said yes almost in tears coz i have 3 kids under four and i am not ready for another one. He went on to admonish me on the blessing of kids. He went on and on until i had to stop him. He was so upset that i got him but we had a good laugh.

I called my mum in naija and told her the same pregnancy story. She shouted and called me a rabbit(as in over fertile). She was in awe coz i have a 7 month old baby and i am on the injection. She was just ranting on about how hard it will be, who will help me, etc. When i told her the truth she was so happy coz she knows how hard it has been for me and she also knows my Dad would have flipped. We had a really good laugh.

I really had fun fooling my loved ones. Share yours with me coz i always love a good gag.

Cheers

POST NURSING BOOBS

Hi all,

Thanks for your concerns about my son. He is very OK; we thank God.

I had my 3 kids in less than 4 years and i have literally been breasting for 4 years. I got pregnant with my second when my first was just 5 months old so i had to continue breast feeding which i did till i had the baby. Same happened when i was pregnant with my third i breast fed my daughter all through.

If my boobs could become animated for a minute i am sure it has a lot to say. Like "when will i rest and do u know what i will look like after all these?" I have wondered about that myself. I once considered my boobs my best asset until i started nursing. Yes it is much fuller when u are nursing but i remember i stopped my daughter for about 2 weeks and i will never forget what was left of it. It was so flat and it had lost all its elasticity. I almost cried coz my hubby and i are still young and very much sexually active. For almost 4 years, my hubby hasn't even gone there coz he feels it is for the kids. I am so sorry for him coz he'll really be disappointed when i stop breastfeeding.

I know its not my fault. I will do it all over again if i have to but i really don't want to lose the one thing that once made me feel so good about myself. I have armed myself with padded bras but that is just ostentatious coz i know what i see without them. My hubby is very sweet and says it doesn't matter but as a woman, i know men are moved by what they see. I even have friends who won't be intimate with their hubbies without the lights off or their bras on.

I guess we are both making sacrifices for having kids. I my body and him...

Cheers

A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE - GOD'S FAITHFULNESS

Hi all,

Hope you all had a wonderful Easter celebration. I just want to use this medium to thank God for his faithfulness in my life. My hubby and i had the most traumatic experience of our lives last night. My two toddlers share a room and have a bunk bed. The top bed is like a crib; very well protected so we know it is safe. My eldest son who is three sleeps at the top bed while my daughter 2, sleeps below. We put the kids to bed around 7.45pm last night and about 15 minutes later we could still hear them chatting. My hubby actually went downstairs to tell them to go to sleep.

We then settled in to watch Big Brother9(TV show). We suddenly heard a big thud like something fell. I was alarmed and told my hubby to check it out. I immediately heard my hubby screaming my son's name and he wasn't responding. I honestly do not know how i got down the stairs. I was screaming hysterically coz i couldn't hear my son. I got to his room and saw him laying flat on his back barely moving and whimpering. He had apparently fallen off his bed while trying to take his soft toy from his sister. It all looked like a scene in a movie. It was like i was not there and it wasn't real. He looked contorted and his jaw looked broken. I felt dead and it was like the blood in my veins frooze. My hubby's voice snapped me out of my trance, screaming "call 911, call 911".

I dialed 911 but could barely express myself. I was just too hysterical. My hubby had to finish the call. The medics came like 10 minutes later but it felt like a million hours later. By then my son was responding more to us and he didn't look that bad anymore. Our main concern was that he could have sustained an internal injury but after all the tests ran on him it was determined he was ok. We were told to keep and eye on him for about an hour and they told us signs to watch out for.

My son later went to bed with me. I could barely sleep all night. I just kept on watching him and thanking God for keeping him safe. It could have been worse. I now have a renewed appreciation for parents coping with kids with disabilities, severe accidents, etc. May God give them the fortitude to go on.

My son is doing well and back to his normal self. I really thank God

Cheers

PLATONIC FRIENDS

Hey all,

This is an interesting topic and i need your opinions . It's this thing about ex-lovers or friends of our spouses/partners. Is it ideal to keep a relationship with one's ex even if they too are married? And what about platonic friends? I know we all had platonic friends of the opposite sex before we got married. Do we do away with those liaisons after getting married especially if they aren't approved by our partners?

I had a few male friends before i got married. My hubby didn't approve of most of them while we were dating but i still consorted with some of them. After marriage though, i cut off friendships with the opposite sex out of respect for my hubby and my marriage. I just didn't see the point in carrying on platonic friendships with other guys. For one i am married, secondly what was there to talk about really? And thirdly most of them are married as well and i put myself in their wives' shoes. Would i like my hubby clinging on to female friends from his past(whether platonic or not)?

I consider myself pretty secure in my marriage coz after my hubby and i got married he moved to Canada before me and i joined him almost 2 yrs later. That period of separation was the most insecure i have been in my life. My hubby was in a foreign land with a bevy of exotic women why won't i be scared? Anyway he kept his word and vows and didn't rest until we were together so i think i have earned a right to be secured in my marriage.

Still, i don't subscribe to men keeping female friends especially when these friends are not married. My hubby has a few from college. I know them coz we were in college together. He doesn't see any harm in carrying on friendships with them but i do. I gave up my friends out of respect for my marriage but it seems men don't see it the same way. What do you think?

Cheers

OVERREACTING OR NOT?

Hi all,

My 3 yr old son is in his cousin's bridal train and the wedding is taking place in Texas. He is scheduled to travel with my hubby at the end of the month. I can't attend coz the date clashes with a course i am taking. I have been feeling so despondent coz this is the first time he will be away from me for more than 2 hours.

Initially i didn't want him to go but my hubby was upset coz i was implying he couldn't take care of his son. That wasn't my intention at all. Men don't understand the bond between a mother and a child. I just know no one can take care of him like i would. Anyway after much ado, i have finally given my blessing but i am still having sleepless nights about the trip.

I don't know if this a normal reaction. A part of me feels i am overreacting but my motherly instincts tell me i am on point. This experience has made me wonder how i would react to bigger issues and decisions in my son's life like dating, college and eventually marriage. Right now i am acting so protective even though his dad is taking him. I have been going over their itinerary in Texas like I'm studying for my PHD and making fastidious notes on how to care for our son. My hubby has been taking my anxiety in stride but i know he'll soon lose his patience. My hubby is a great dad. He gives the kids baths, feeds them, puts them to bed, etc. I really shouldn't be worried but i just can't help myself.

I guess subconsciously i am also envious of my hubby being there to see our little man in a bridal train and i won't. I am jealous coz i won't be there to share that experience with him. God help me coz i can't help myself. I have been hoping the days go slow so that day would still be far away but i know it is inevitable.

My hubby says i should enjoy the one week without all three kids. I know the stress would be less but I'll miss my boy. Is this a normal reaction or am i overreacting?

Cheers

CONTRACEPTIVES AND WEIGHT GAIN

Hi all,

I wrote some time back that i have been battling to lose 25 pounds. The battle has not been easy. I actually lost a few inches here and there but the weight numbers have refused to budge. I have been so frustrated. I exercise religiously, i try to eat right(though i munch on my kids' cookies once in a while) but i feel i should have lost at least a pound by now.

Anyway i had an appointment for my Depo shot(contraceptive) yesterday. I complained about my weight to my doctor and he said it's the contraceptive(i knew that before but i thought it would be different for me). He explained that its not easy to lose weight while on the injection coz of the hormones in it. I wasn't happy about that but i don't want to have another baby(three is enough for me). I hear the pills do the same too so that is not an alternative. I just want to lose 25 pounds. i have tried starving but it's foolhardy especially coz I'm breastfeeding. Maybe i should settle for abstinence-even though part of my effort to lose weight is to to be more attractive to my hubby. That is so ironic.

I actually used the IUD after my second child and still got pregnant with my third so i guess i only have 3 choices -eat much less, get fat or get pregnant(which will make me fat). If it comes to it i choose the first. It's a sacrifice i will make for my well being so i can live long and be more active in my children's' lives. It's a tough call coz i love food but what can i do?

So is anyone experiencing the same problem?

Cheers

TRENDY AND ELEGANT LOOKS

Hi all,

It's almost summer and i know most women are all about the trends for the season. When it comes to dressing up, a rule of thumb for me is to wear what best flatters my features and not what is necessarily in style. As a mother of three and i am sure most mothers have this issue i find that no matter what i have tried i still have that bulge in my tommy. I am just a regular mum and not a celebrity so i don't have a personal trainer or the motivation to go under the knife so i have learnt to manage the excess skin around my tommy by wearing clothes that camouflage that area but yet trendy.

Most women do not want to give up those skimpy , tommy baring, figure hugging clothes coz they feel that is what makes them sexy and more desirable to their partners. Truth is women look trashy when they force themselves into undersized clothes or trendy styles that just don't fit their body types.

It's important for us to know our body types, accept our flaws and work with it. I am not a fashion expert but i have showcased some new trends that would look good on any body type and help understate those problem areas(especially the bulging tummy).


This dotted meshed crossover top is very cute and trendy. It can be worn by almost every body type and will definitely hide that big tummy. This top is by Suzy Shier(Canadian) and comes in three colors.


Who says bold prints don't flatter bigger women. Well i don't. This dress is simple and nice. The band just beneath the burst helps camouflage those problem areas. Also by Suzy Shier



This caftan top is simply cool. It can go on Jeans, Capris pants and even shorts. It also comes in white and you can get it at Old Navy.com



Talk about bringing sexy back, this tube dress does it for mum's who feel they have lost it. It's simple yet sexy and it won't exaggerate those flaws we worry about. It comes in various bright colors also at Old Navy.com


This is my favourite dress of the bunch. It looks just like a maternity dress but it isn't. For me my main problem area is my tommy so this works perfectly for me. You can spice this dress up with any colour of accessory. It's gorgeous. Also at Old Navy.com

O HAPPY DAY

Hi all,


How was your weekend? Mine was long coz i was waiting for my hubby to come home. He had been away from home for ten days but it felt like forever. I really missed him and had a renewed recognition for his help around the house.

Anyway he finally came on Sunday night-close to midnight. I was so elated to have him home. I was like

It felt like we were apart for years and we were both so ecstatic to see each other . He was tired from all the travelling but i made sure he was pampered. I gave him a nice meal and he immediately felt invigorated(we needed that vigor).

Anyway after all the good stuff, we went to bed or should i say he went to bed. I couldn't sleep coz my darling hubby was snoring thunderously. I tossed and turned forever. I was so restless. I was like

The euphoria of having him home almost faded away at that point but i quickly realised it was a sacrifice worth making for a wonderful man.

Have a good week.

Cheers

THE POWER OF WORDS

Hi all,

I have not blogged in a while coz i have been so tied up with my kids. My hubby has been away for like a week now so its been really hectic for me. I have been so enervated and lonely. Yes i have my kids and i love them to death but what conversation can i have with toddlers? I really miss my hubby. It is even harder for me coz i don't have my family around me. I got out a couple of times but it's not easy going out with three kids in winter.

My hubby has been the one taking the flak for my exasperation. Each time he calls i am so cold and brusque. I find every excuse to pick a fight but he has actually done well putting up with all of it.

I really don't mean to be mean but he calls at the wrong time which by the way is all the time. I guess he is the only one i can take it out on coz i know he understands first hand how hard it is to take care of three young kids alone. Anyway, my day started as usual, with screaming kids and a crying baby. I was ready for another long day but all that changed when i checked my email. My hubby had sent me the most romantic note ever. It was short but it was all i needed to carry on. I have sucked it all up coz i know i have a man who loves me and appreciates all i do.

I am so blithe and i feel like a teenager in love for the first time. That is the power of words. I needed to hear those words in his note and it really came at the right time. When someone in your life is down or overwhelmed with life's troubles, do not fail to lend a few nice words. Trust me it helps.

Cheers

FOR BETTER OR FOR.....?

HI all,

A friend told me this story. A lady who had been married for about 11 years left her hubby cuz he isn't good in bed. We were about 3 ladies there when this gist was said. We all had different opinions. I felt it was obnoxious for the woman to leave after 11 years of marriage cuz the man isn't good in bed. I mean, she had put up with this for 11 years why the sudden change of heart? My friend was all for the woman's action. She insisted that there could have been more going on in the marriage. Probably the man wasn't treating her well and the sex wasn't good so she felt the marriage wasn't worth it.

I started to look at it in a different light, if the man wasn't good to her and had the sex problem then she could have a reason to leave but the truth is the reason she cited for leaving was the sex thingy! It made me wonder; isn't marriage for better for worse? How bad could this man be in bed for? Anyway people are different but for me her reason is superficial. My friend accused me of judging that it is easy for me to defend marriage cuz my hubby is probably a stud but i made her realise that i have learnt in marriage that you can't have it all. You can however make the best use of what you have.

I have not come across any woman who can beat her chest and say 'my hubby has it all'. We just have to celebrate the good in them and try to overlook and tolerate what we think is bad. We are not perfect ourselves that is why marriage is all about compromise. If all couples were to enumerate all the bad in their spouses and dwell on it, there would be no happily ever after.

If i have a minute with that lady, i would tell her to re-examine her man and see if the good out weighs the bad. If it does, then the marriage is worth fighting for. If she is so good in bed then she should teach him. That will be a good start.

Anyway let me know what you think.

Cheers.

1 CORINTHIANS13, VERSES 4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres".

Paul gave an eloquent description of love in this verse. I am so grateful for this verse in the bible because it reiterated God's purpose for marriage to me. I was at a very low point this weekend. I had verbal a fight with my hubby and lots of ugly words were said. I was so cross that i went into the malice mode. I decided to stay away and just reevaluate everything in my head.

I am sure most married couples have had those days when they wished they were not married or just wanted to get out and run away as far as they can get. That was how i felt this weekend. A lot of thoughts went through my head - both good and bad. I was just so mad. I was so angry with the way things were that i just didn't give myself time to reason.

I have learnt from experience that when you allow it, the devil comes into your life to destroy. My hubby and i allowed the devil into our marriage that day because we were both out of control with words. I thank God for his words because even when i was at my lowest i remembered 1 Corinthians 13,4-7. I asked my self if i loved my hubby the way Paul described it and i realised i did but had not demonstrated it in my actions.

I decided to put that verse into action and by so, abide by the word of God. So i shoved Anger aside, swallowed my Pride, imbibed Patience, and decided to Protect my family from the devil. I called my hubby and we talked and worked things out. It felt so exhilarating especially when i had the weapon of the words of God working with and for me. We both acknowledged our faults, apologized for the words used and of course had make up ---( keep guessing).

I know there are days when we all feel so overwhelmed by life's challenges and we just take it out on our partners. There are also times we have questioned why we got married but know that marriage is a good thing and it is meant to be blissful if we just put aside our pride and imbibe what God says pertaining love.

Cheers