30 SOMETHING

Hey all,

So i recently turned 30; last week actually. I was very grateful to God for another year and i also thanked him for my family. Hitting the 30s is a big one in any woman's life. There is no more excuse for frivolous conduct. The 20s are for discovering who we are and making all the mistakes we can but the 30s, no.

Hitting the third going on fourth decade of my life was very scary for me. I guess i am putting too much strain on myself to excel career wise in my 30s. My 20s proved very fruitful with the birth of my three kids and i feel so blessed. Many of my peers haven't even started their families and i am happy to have closed the child bearing chapter in my 20s.

Now the question on my mind is what next? I have fulfilled my dream of being a mother but i haven't fulfilled my career dreams. I have always looked upon myself as a strong, willful and proactive person. A go getter so to speak but now i feel so drained and jaded. My role as a mother seems to have consumed a greater part of who i am and i find myself apprehensive about a career. I have so many great ideas, i am assertive but still i feel so scared that my 30s will slip away without realising my career goals.

My kids are 3,2 and 9 months old. Day care is too exorbitant for my family right now so i have to be home with my kids. My son starts full time school in about 3 yrs by then I'll be 33. That is almost half of my 30s. As a woman i feel so cheated that i have to sacrifice so much of my life. It is rewarding to be a mum and all that but sometimes i get the unquenchable urge to shine in my other abilities. This always leaves me despondent because i usually can't

I studied mass communication and when i was in school i took on leadership roles. I was always a project leader and i savored those moments. I never thought i could stay home for almost five years without exerting my inherent talents or abilities.

I really hope to use my thirties wisely and i pray that i find the fulfilment i need. There are people who started their careers at a later time and excelled pretty fast. Maybe i am one of those people. I just want to take off before i am forty because if there is one thing i know, time goes by so fast. This is the year 2008 and women have morphed over the years. We are no longer just home makers waiting on our husbands to bring home the bacon. I guess this is what fuels my desire to excel, to prove my self worth and exude the confidence that comes with being independent.

Cheers

REBBECCA WHERE ART THOU?

Hey all,

Hope your week has been swell. As for me to say i am beat is an understatement. The challenges of raising three kids under 3 is taking its toll on me. After a restless night of waking up at least twice to feed my baby, my morning starts with my eldest son knocking on my door coz he has to use the bathroom. This is usually between 6-7am and inadvertently wakes up the others and then the chaos begins.

I proceed to give the three of them baths amidst stopping fights and soothing my baby. Dressing them up isn't a breeze either. There are struggles, cries and fights. After laying their beds and making up the bedrooms we proceed upstairs for breakfast which is another ordeal especially coz of my daughter. She barely likes anything for breakfast so i practically have to stand over her and force the food down her throat. I do this most times with my baby on my back of course.

After breakfast comes the task of keeping them occupied so they don't drive me nuts. My son has learnt to play games on the computer so that keeps him busy for some minutes before my daughter goes and switches it off. Needless to say fighting and screaming ensues. My son has an educational toy that helps him with spelling and writing and he loves it so much but his sister won't let him have peace with that either.

In resent times they have both grown an insatiable appetite for mash mellow and pop corn so I indulge them and that gets them calm for a while until the sugar kicks in and their energy surges out of control. I try to calm them down by singing with them or colouring but that only lasts for some minutes. They have some TV shows they like so i put that on for them but that doesn't last for long either. Did i mention that amidst all these I clean the house feed the baby etc.

Most times I feel so overwhelmed and alone so I call my friend but the chats don't go well coz my kids won't let me have them. My friend once said she isn't in my house but she has a migraine from all the chaos.

Nap time is usually between 1 and 3. I literally count every second till that time. It's not like I get any rest when they go to bed coz my baby could be up or there could be chores to do. When nap time is over it's the chaos all over again!

If I were in Nigeria, I know I would have had a maid to help me out with cleaning and stuff. It is so hard to catch up with everything alone. I am so tired most times. My back aches, my head aches but i still have to be strong to take care of my kids and perform my wifely duties when my hubby desires.

Anyway, as therapy, I have an imaginary maid I call Rebbecca. I find myself calling out to her sometimes but she doesn't come(lol). I know soon all these will be over. The kids will be more independent and I 'll have a career and all that but for now, I need Rebbecca!

At the end of the day when I peep in to see if they are asleep and well tucked in, they look so peaceful that it's hard to believe my body aches so much from taking care of them. At that time it seems worth it.

Cheers

READY FOR SUMMER

Hey all,

Long time no blog(lol). The weather is so great here; i am really blithe. Winter can be very depressing. My kids and i can now go out without all the excess clothing. We just wear our colourful clothes and look fabulous.

Talking about looking fabulous, anytime i want to go to the store or just run an errand my hubby always wonders why i get all dressed up. I believe that i should always look good even if i am going down the road. I don't have to look like a slob coz i am a stay at home mum. I make sure i look fabulous when ever i am stepping out coz you never know who you'll run into and when i look good, i feel good and that sets my mood for the day.


Most stay at home mums like myself just give up on themselves. Its not easy i know. I found myself in a rut too sometime ago. I felt completely jaded. I just didn't see the need to try. I live in a small town with little or no social activity and i didn't really go out much so i just didn't see the need to be a fashionista. I had a change of heart when i saw a picture my hubby and i took together. I looked older than him even though he is 5yrs older than me. It hit me that we were becoming my parents. My dad is 9 yrs older than my mum but they look the same age. Child bearing and rearing can really take its toll on a woman. Its so unfair that women have to age faster than men. Anyway I immediately made a conscious decision to change my attitude.

Now i take a shower in the mornings instead of staying in my pyjamas all day. I make sure i always look well put together even when i am just home. I basically changed my attitude in and out and i feel much more confident and happy. In recent pictures i look like the baby my hubby cradle snatched ten years ago(lol). I secretly can't wait for my hubby to be bald so people will ask if he is my father(he'll kill me when he sees this).

I am ready for summer with a new disposition and i can't wait to have all the fun with my family.

Cheers.

DOWN 12 POUNDS

Hey all,

I feel so great today. I just got off the scale and i have lost 12 pounds so far. As mentioned in an earlier post, i was struggling to lose 25 pounds. I exercised religiously and tried to eat right but to no avail. Anyway after watching the first woman win the biggest loser(TV show) i decided i could do it too.

I decided to make some changes in my diet and life style in general. With inspiration from the show, i started to eat only low fat, low carb and low sugar foods. I drastically reduced my rice consumption and adhered to eating whole grain bread, chicken, fish and lots of veggies. I also stopped buying soda including diet ones. I discovered the hidden sweetness of water which is about the only drink i take now.

Just two weeks into this change, i lost 10 pounds. I was blown away and my hubby was like a teenager in love for the first time. It felt so good. My goal weight is 145 pounds and i am so close now.

These are some of the meals i eat now.

Breakfast : 2 slices of dry toast(whole grain) with 1 cup of orange juice

Snack : Few pieces of crackers or fruits

Lunch : Chicken and salad (sometimes with 2-3 tbs of rice)

Snack : Fruit or veggies

Dinner: Fish with veggies like squash, carrots, green beans etc.

It is hard but the result is worth it. A rule of thumb for me is if i don't want to eat it, i don't buy it. I stopped buying soda, chocolate and all the high calories junk in my house so i don't get tempted.

I hope this will inspire anyone battling with weight loss.

Cheers

SEXUAL HEALING

Hey all,

Long time no blog. My hubby and i have been under the weather. It has been very bad. It started with a throat and ear infection, we were not really alarmed coz we thought it would just pass. It quickly escalated to a very bad cough so we had to go see the doctor. We were both put on antibiotics. We were so helpless coz the infection came with a fever but couldn't take a well deserved break coz we have 3 little kids to care for.

We knew without words spoken that we had to booster each other and take turns in caring for the kids. The hardest part for me was getting up in the morning after a restless night of coughing to tend to three well rested and energetic kids.

Anyway as at yesterday we started feeling better. The pain was less and we had gained back some energy. After my hubby had a shower in the morning, i too quickly jumped into the shower coz my kids were watching their favorite show. When i got out my hubby was still dressing up; he saw me and said "wow u still look so sexy after 3 kids". It was good to hear that from him. I knew what was next and i embraced it after days of being sick. We both needed that coz we felt better all day. I guess Marvin Gaye was right. Sexual healing beats any antibiotic.

Cheers

I AM A "WORRIER" MUM

Hi all,

I have been so busy with life that i have not blogged in a while. I had a break this weekend though. My family and i went out of town for the weekend. Our friends invited us over for a program in their Church (African praise) and it was awesome. It brought back happy thoughts about Naija. I really miss home. The main artist featured at the event was Wale Adenuga. He is a gospel singer and he is incredible. We danced so hard are feet ached. I really needed that break.

On Sunday we went to our host's church. After the service there was a birthday party for a little girl. We all had to be in a hall that was crowed with toddlers running around. I am what you could call a "worrier" when it comes to the safety of my kids. I believe when it comes to kids, one can't be too careful. I was fretting all through the party making sure my kids don't collide with other kids or fall and smash their heads on the concrete floor. I guess my behaviour seemed somewhat obnoxious to my friend coz she told me to relax that i worry too much after all she too had a son running around.

Anyway, i tried to ignore but when i remembered the nine months of pregnancy and the arduousness of labour i immediately switch back to worry mode. I had to explain to my friend that i watch lots of crime shows so i know how fast a child can go missing. It takes less than 2 minutes actually. The world is full of perverse people that would do heinous things to little children so i would rather be an over protective mum than be sorry.

I pray that as parents we don't experience the pain of losing a child due avoidable mistakes. I am not a perfect mum but what i know for sure is as a parent, i can't be too careful. May God help us.

Cheers

A NEW EARTH

Hi all,

Hope you all have been well. I have been nursing my boy back to good health and i am so happy he is OK now.

I am sure all you Oprah fans have heard about her current book club selection - A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I finally got a copy 2 weeks ago and believe me when i say it's been life changing. I am barely in the 3rd chapter(coz i am taking my time to get the message) and already i am captivated by the essence of this book.

Just a few chapters into this book has completely transformed the way i perceive myself and my purpose on this earth. This book exposes the intricate nature of the ego and its control over our being. I now acknowledge that most of us inadvertently live an ostentatious life. We are so consumed about how the world perceives us. We obsess so much about our weight, skin, hair, houses,cars,careers, e.t.c. that we forget the true purpose of our lives. We pay too much attention to our flesh.

I have never considered myself as ostentatious but reading this book has made me realise that i am. I have pondered on some major and even trivial decisions i have made and realised that most of them were made to impress other people. Some of these decisions were also made based on how the world would perceive me. This was a pivotal realisation for me coz i now know that i have basically done nothing for me. I have really not fulfilled my own desires or purpose but those of others.

I have not finished reading A new Earth but what i know for sure is henceforth, i would think of my well being - spiritually,emotionally and mentally in what ever decision i make. I matter and my ego aside, i will do what is right for me.

I recommend this book for all. Right now, my priorities are in order. I know what is important and i have made up my mind never to lie to myself, worry about things i can't change, and accept and manage the vicissitude of life.

Cheers